Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And then he peed in my hair
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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