This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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