found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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