I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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