I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
