I am in a vortex of obligation.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
