I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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