dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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