I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
