Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
