so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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