i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
