if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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