Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
