I love having hate sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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