why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
