So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we made out on top of his cat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
