her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
