I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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