I'm lost and stupid without you.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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