My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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