I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
