turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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