I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
