Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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