If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
