i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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