Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
