I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
