Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
