talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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