Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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