My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
