I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont even know how to be here
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
