I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
