Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
