I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
