Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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