Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
