is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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