A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
