I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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