my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
