I just cut my nipple shaving
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize