I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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