I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
