im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
