he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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