just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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