i permit you to call me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
