I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize