Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
