You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
