Screwed.edu
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My liver just had a heart attack.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
