We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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