I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
