He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
