doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize