my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
