how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
