Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
