508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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