Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
