it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
