so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
