dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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