We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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